Thu, May 2, 2013 at 3:25 AM By: Haitian Bell

because i'm 34 going on 35 this year with Gods grace mercy and blessings. When I was pregant at 18 and gave birth to my eldest 1 week before my 19 born day I could not see myself at this age. I felt like my life was the miseducation of Rose instead of Laruyn Hill. People thought I was her when I was in HS. I was slim and just started growing my locs. The song Zion was the sound track to my life " I I had touch my belly over whlemed by what I was chosen to perform. look at your career they say rosie baby use your head but i choose to use my heart. Now the joy of my world is in Chance." Through that song I knew she was a blood sister from another mother and I know that one day we will meet and connect. I was modeling at the time and people wanted me to continue on that path saying you could always have children. Your so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I never wanted to be seen only for my physcal beauty, because to me it fades but my mind by the grace of God could make an impact on people for ever. People till this day tell me how beautiful I am, I say thank you but that does not define me.

I had my son was attending college and got a job at my old HS and worked there until I was 26. I learned a lot about community work, and had a chance to tap into the God given dna skills I had inside of me. Working with my teachers and seeing how they contributed to their communitites made me more compled to give back to my own. So my desnity was already laid out for me. I fought it for so long but it came out anyway from all angles. I stopped going to school just to work and get life expereinces living high on thr hog with my sons father. But I was always grounded he asked one time " wouldn't you just want to stay home and let your man just bring you money?" I said no and he called me simple " I said what if something happens to you what will we do for money then?". Whats funny is fast forward 12 years later he gets locked up guess who was the only baby mamma who was able to do something for him? Me the simple one its funny how things come back.

My son is going to be 16 and I thank God he's not like me. I was the wrost, smoking cutting school going to the Que club and just free and living my life. I would do all these things with my oldeer cousins I was living in Queens and my aunt had rules. You break them and you pay the price. Thats when I turned on to Nas the Don Dada. He's into basketball and hes good, but i advised that he should think of another career choice if it doesnt work out. His girl friend is older then him so we talk sex, condems, babies and stds. Why cause I cant let the street teach him. I started teaching him about these thing since he was 7. His friend always ask me if its true that I taught him how to put on a condem on a banana. He has a smart mouth and is is spoiled with love and things. What he needs and most of what he wants.

My second son Amir is a hot mess baby, funny, tough and very smart. He's 14 years younger then my eldest. People ask why did you wait so long, I thought I would be married and when I met his dad from the start I treated him as such. Again I hear Ms. Hill " When it hurts so bad y does it feel so good" I dont know but after 5 years of sweat tears and hard work I had to let go. It was making me sick and I had to choose between my health children happiness and him. The baby sings your song he knows the Life is good album words beats and adlibs. I taught him to say" power to the people" with his fist in the air when he hears your music. I want him to say it at the event on May 19 that I put together I feel so good when he does it on his own randomly. So I picked my self and Life is been challegening none the less Life is good.

No matter what LIFE IS GOOD.

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